My happiness is wearing off.
I’m a girl whose eyes are always set to see the beautiful. Always. May it be a person, a place, a happening, I always see its beautiful side. Even in my life, despite of every problem I’m facing, I feel happy even because of the simplest things in my life. Makita ko lang mommy ko masaya na ko. I don’t usually dwell on my problems. I want people to see me happy all the time because the last thing I want them to see is a defeated Heidy. And for me, being succumbed by any problem means a defeat. I also don’t want to burden them by my problem, or even by the pity they think they're ought to show. They won’t stop their lives for me, and even if they do, I don’t want them to. That’s why I spent all these months banking happiness inside me --looking for every little reason to be happy and keeping it inside me.
I write all these optimistic stuffs trying to make my happiness more concrete. I talk happily with everyone. I smile a lot when I’m in front of my family, play with my sister, and talk a lot with my mom.I keep in touch with all my friends online-- debb, eric, jowie, and the rest of my good friends. We talk about all the hype, gossips, jokes and everything. I feel happy whenever I talk to them. My friends have no idea how happy– no, ecstatic— I am while talking to them, but after that I’m empty again. When I’m alone it’s like I can’t smile anymore. It’s not that I’m faking my happiness in front of them. My happiness is genuine whenever I’m with them. But my problem is as real as my happiness. And it’s beating me to death whenever I’m alone, eating all the happiness my friends and family is giving me. And every single time, I’m holding on for dear happiness.
Pero napapagod din ako. Not all the time I can handle this well. And this is one of those down moments. My friends are planning a get together tomorrow and I told them I couldn’t come, because I really really can’t. I know I will be very happy with them cracking jokes, talking about anything for what seems like forever, and just being together. I miss them so much, sobra, but I can’t see them. Because I feel like I’m going to crack up with all this carnival ride of emotions. I’ve never been this tired and weak. Ang hirap. Nakakapagod.
5 comment/s
Whatever you're going through, you should know that I'm always here. And I know that you're going through a very difficult thing because you're not talking about it. And I totally understand. I used to feel the same. Miss you! Love you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for understanding. I really really feel bad not being able to say it. Believe me, many times I tried to say it to you. It's just that I really can't. :( And there are even more times that I wanted to call you just to cry. :( and I still can't. Sorry. Thank you.
ReplyDelete"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God- those whom he has called according to his plan."
ReplyDeleteRomans 8:28
What ever you're dealing with right now, always remember that all things work together for the good. You just got to have faith in Him. :)
God made instruments to help you out - your family and us, your friends :) We are always here for you no matter what. There is no way in hell we will leave you. Hehe.
I would like to share to you a quote that my mother tells me always:
"What you think is what you are"
So, think positively. Don't say that your happiness is wearing off because it will just put you more in grief. Just continue to think of all the blessings you and your family have. Always be the girl whose eyes are always set to see the beautiful. Believe me, you will surely feel blessed.
God can fill out all the empty spaces in your life. Let Him in :)
Sometimes, we all have to experience the bad to see the all the good in life. Be strong.
I love you! :)
and I'll pray for you,
Beybeh :D
beybeh thank u sobra. :)
ReplyDeletewag mo nlang ikwento kna tita kasi bka mkwento sa mommy ko. ty talaga.
sure no problem :)
ReplyDelete"Sometimes, we all have to experience the bad to see the all the good in life."
mali. to see all the good in life pala. typo. :))
basta I know you can do it. We are just here. When you are ready to share, just call us. :) Gb :)