RANDOM WHEN RAINING.

It's been raining a lot. I love it. I've been sleeping all day! Saraaaaaap! Hehe. But where's my mom? I'm all alone here at home. So much stuffs to do. I have to study for EE and Mech. Gaaahh, Circuits!! It is such a pain in the ass. I wish this will be the last time we'll have that subject. It's so difficult that I admire those EE majors for sticking to it. Oh, my dad is an EE too! So I also admire him. Hehe.

So much for this. Gotta study. Baboo.

What's next for me?

What do you do when you're feeling jaded? And burnt out? And empty? And insecure?

When you notice that everybody's moving on with their lives and you feel that you don't?

When you see that all of your friends are having fun but you don't?
When you feel so alone?

Because I do. I thought I'm all over this but I am not. It gets worse and worse especially now that I don't even have a family to go home to. Now that all I go home to is a dark, empty small room and everyone around me gets along with their lives so well. They play till midnight, spend time with their close friends, and I am there laying in my bunk all alone. It's not that they do not invite me to go out. I just don't like to because I will just feel left out. I will just feel that they invited me out of pity because I have no one. I don't even keep in touch with my best friends because I feel so lonely after talking to them. It's crazy. It's like I am the one shutting myself out from other people.

I am surrounded by people. But I feel so alone. And I hate the fact that I am embracing it because I know that I haven't got any choice but to do so. And it feels like shit.

I've been having the time of my life at our dorm.

Sarcasm level 100!!!

3weeks ago, I asked my mom to buy me another mattress because I really can't sleep laying my back on other mattress aside from Uratex. Then just when I thought I'd already be having the good sleep I've been longing for, I had flu and Bronchitis for almost 2weeks. (I lost 10 big pounds because of that.) And I don't know what had gotten into me last Friday that I couldn't sleep at all until it's 8AM, Saturday morning. My body clock was protesting and I was vomiting and hyperventilating yet I still couldn't sleep! I was already on the verge of tears because I have a very long quiz in Chem300 that day. Spell shit, baby.

Who wouldn't dream of going home after all these unfortunate events in just a month? How much more unfortunate can I get for the next months to come? I hope this is just part of the "adjustment stage." But then I ask myself, how long will this bloody adjustment stage last?

SICK :(

I've been having fever and chills every night since Tuesday. Had asthma and colds too. Everyone's been joking that it's aH1N1. Then when I thought I was getting better, I got drenched in the rain so my asthma w/ cough worsened. My doctor said it's now Bronchitis, so she asked me to rest. But next week we have four quizzes coming up. What the.

P.S. Get well soon to all the others who are sick too.
It's really really hard to be sick. Especially when your parents are not around to take care of you. Thank God I'm now home.

THE ERA. THE ICON.

I am a big fan of the oldies. The rnb in the 90's, love songs in the 80's, the Jacko-kind-of-pop, and the Beatles. Of course, the Beatles.

"what would you do if a sang out of tune would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key"
- with a little help from my friends