I used to be optimistic and innocent and the world used to be filled with rainbow and colors in my eyes. But now everything is black and blue.

And I'm scared of what I am becoming.

(1) I have not opened my Bible for months. (2) I have not attended church for 4weeks straight until this Sunday. (3) Yes I attended, but I didn't listen. (4) I don't pray anymore. (5) I cuss a lot. I think I have said the P.I. and the eff word a hundred times this week, loudly and mostly mentally. And knowing that I barely even say shit three years ago defines the huge contrast. (6) Even at church, I didn't even make an effort to smile at people. The people in Belo (Fuck you pimples. I hate you more than anything in this world! I hate you that you have to make my parents depressed and always worried about my face. Die!) are very much nice but I treated them badly. Kill me now.

Yes, I am on the "getting worse" track. But I am not proud of this. Save me. Please.