Time out.
"Five years ago, I never thought I'll be dealing with batch reactors and all the unit operations stuff when I wrote 'BS Chemical Engineering' in my application form."
Yes friends. I am quoting myself.
I promised myself not to write anything about my school problems here in this blog because I feel that its useless. But I realized that school's really a big part of my life. 90% of what I am doing every single day is because of school. So how about I share a bit of the life that I'm talking about? It's a long winding road to the bottom line, alright?
Years ago, when I was just choosing my course, all that ever came to my mind is to take up Engineering. Then my teachers and friends would ask "What field?" then I would always say "I still don't know. Any field as long as its Engineering." See, I always wanted to become an engineer, just like my father. My father had nothing and everything to do with my choice. Following his footsteps and being pressured by my family surely did not happen. But seeing him doing all the engineer stuff made me like it. When you are an engineer, you have to know everything down to the very last detail. Precision and accuracy matters. I saw that in my father's profession, and I fell in love with it.
My first half in college was not so smooth-flowing, but it was the easiest. Easiest in a way that I was never bothered of the path that I took. All I had to study were Math stuffs and some programming and I seriously enjoyed it.
Halftime made me realize that I am majoring the right course. None of the other majors would ever work for me and my interests (Duh, EE!).
It's now the second half of my journey. It barely even started but I'm already tired. Honestly. I'm gonna kill myself for having to admit this, but right now I'm not happy with my major. Period. I could see the end of the road but I can't see myself at the other side. Now that I'm having the glimpse of what it's like to be in the real world, I doubt that I'd like to do any of the job descriptions that a chemical engineer does. Maybe that's one major reason why I loosened up this semester (yeah my grades got wounded because of that). Add the fact that what used to be the working proportionality of my labor(the amount of my study time is directly proportional to the amount of points I get) isn't working anymore.
It's just losing the mojo. It's just a cool off. I just need a timeout. I always say these things to myself. Deep inside, I know that this is for me. That nothing else will ever work for me but this. There's no turning back. I just have to find my happy place in my chosen road.
1 comment/s
you're just at a crossroad heidy. :) it saddens me to hear that you're not "happy". i know soon, you'll be enlightened again. you'll find the driving force. and i'm sure you will finish the road, enjoying every single moment of it. :) we're near the end. let's savor all the things that will come our way. :) mwah. loveyou fried. Because of ChE, we became friends. :)
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