My life has quite a number of memorable years. There was 2009 when I battled a long and agonizing depression so painful that it became one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. There was also 2012 when I passed the licensure boards -- the year when my hardships have finally started gaining recognition. 2014 is also on the list being it was the year when I grew balls of courage. And then of course, 2016.

2016 was extraordinarily overwhelming in all ways. Political turmoils here and there, wars, earthquakes, deaths and other disasters, and the internet made sure that we see it unfold before our very eyes. It was tremendously exhausting to witness everything and be able to do nothing about it. It's always good to stay informed and not be an ignorant citizen of this planet but 2016 made me want to pause, throw my phone and just escape from the civilization. 

Above everything, this year was heaving with personal endeavours that stretched all my emotional limits. There were so many blessings to be thankful for, mainly for my master’s degree and for the PhD opportunity that I was granted all in a single year. The scholar in me is very pleased with all the accomplishments and with the very exciting future ahead. It was all that I wanted from the very start: be a doctor then pursue research. These are wonderful blessings that sadly came with a price -- my physical, emotional and mental health.

The rigorous and demanding work culture that I had to endure in Korea caused my health to deteriorate. 14 hours of daily work for two years and a total of 21 vacation leaves, and for all those vacations, I had to work tirelessly til past midnight prior to leaving and I had to report to work as soon as the plane landed. During the final year of my masters program, I was in and out of the doctor's office almost every month until my graduation for infections that my body should have fought had it been healthier.

In February of 2016, I went back home to Philippines with a firm goal to do my phD in Australia so that Jay and I can pursue our international research career together. Jay, given his powerful passport, obtained a visa to work in Australia without batting an eyelash while I struggled my way to enter Australia. It was study or nothing for a young, inexperienced Filipino who doesn't have enough qualifications to migrate in a first world country. Hence, all the seemingly endless and heightened anxieties in my head. It was a very long and stressful process -- sending numerous applications, being rejected, completing endless paperwork, requesting school documents from two countries, and all the stressful deadlines. All the waiting and worrying hurt so much because there were so much at stake -- my dream and my love were both waiting for me at the end of the tunnel but I couldn't get through. I was under severe stress and anxiety for five months; almost half a year of missed meals, sleepless nights and physical inactivity sure placed my life in a limbo. In July, my visa got approved and I moved to the Land Down Under.

Six months since I moved to Australia, I thought I'll be fine by now but I'm not. I still suffer from anxiety, triggered by almost every minor instability and problem that I encounter. I once went to the nurse because my skin got pierced by a needle, fearing an infection. I used to stay awake til 3AM, searching about cancer because I felt a tinge of pain in my stomach that lasted for only 3 seconds. I got depressed from every pimple that I got. Missing receipts and unpaid bills stressed me out. In a nutshell, I was agitated from anything that got out of my control. Unhealthy, I know.

It's now 2017 and I'm very much determine to turn a new page in my life. I'm trying to let go of all my emotional burdens, and release the stress that had dragged me down in the last two years. Looking back, I can't help but feel terrified with what stress had done to myself, hence it gave me the motivation to overcome it once and for all. I recently cut my coffee intake from five cups a day (five!!) to one and switched to tea instead. I started exploring new hobbies. I walk more, sleep more and work less all for the hope that I'll get the healthier and more stable self that I once had.

This is my life in a time of weakness, written in less than 1000 words. May this serve as a cautionary tale for people who refuse to take a break. People tend to give up everything that we have for that one thing that we want, and in the end it's all we have. It shouldn't be that way. Please spend time with your loved ones, breathe some fresh air and remember that everything will be okay. I wish you well this year and in the next years to come.