I lost it all when I walked away from You
My best friend, Debb, came over to our house a while ago to visit me and have some chat. It's been a very long time since we last talked. I admit that most of it was my fault because I keep on distancing myself from them for so many months already. But I regret having done it all when Debb finally came over. When she came, I realized that I missed her a lot! It's really different when it's your best friend/almost-sister who's with you. It brought back all the good memories when we were together. All the laughter, the nonsense talks, the bonding.. everything! But as I look back, it feels that all those memories are part of another world. The memories seem so clear yet so distant. The happy and carefree girl who's inseperable from Deb and Eric, who is she? We seem so different I don't even know if my memory serves me right; if she was Heidy and I am still Heidy.
Where is she? The Heidy who never loses her faith in her Lord and Savior, the Heidy who wakes up with smile and excitement knowing that God has planned a good day for her, the Heidy who's optimistic; where is she? After three years, what have become of me? Someone who always whines about her pain, who wakes up without feeling anything and goes home empty and bitter, and who always pities herself -- is this what I have become?
I tried to keep it all to myself. I forgot that I have a family who can listen to me any time. I forgot that I have Debb, who also had recently gone through a tough period of her life can understand me the most. I forgot that I have my best friends who will never judge me. I forgot about Heidy, the old me.
I've always been happy about myself, about my life, about who I am. But things turned the other way around and started toppling over. Now I don't even know myself. It's painful. The thought always makes me cry even right now.
But whatever it takes, I'll start building my life again. I'll start over. I'll get back to You, Jesus. I'm sorry for making You wait.
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