Day 20: Plans/dreams/goals you have

This question is so cliche and hard to answer that I had to look back on what I wrote on my first attempt on this challenge back in 2011 - voila it's empty! It seems that I didn't change at all. Maybe I chose to keep my plans and dreams in private to stop my future self from using it as a receipt. I choose to do the same this time around. 

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat

I don't have a big appetite for food. Hence my disinterest in exploring the next best restaurant in town. I'm also not particular to flavors and details that most food lovers pay attention to. I don't eat any snack in between meals. I always tell Jay that I'm a cheap date because I don't eat sweets, cakes, and ice creams plus I'm allergic to chocolate so we don't go to dessert cafes as well. I just want my food to be Asian. Maybe Vietnamese, to be specific. That's my one and only requirement. Haha.

Day 17: Something you're (not) looking forward to

Two days before 28

It is a usual joke between my peers that new adults stop looking forward to their birthdays after 25. Personally, I think it's because life starts to speed up when we are busy taking care of it. Compared to a graph, the scale of an adult life gets bigger as the years add up. Nothing special happens on a day-to-day basis. The best day is always the payday which sadly comes fortnightly and yet the bills are eternal. Waiting for a potential job interview takes months. Planning for a wedding takes a year. Daily gratifications are getting harder to achieve and so we are often told that patience is key. We wait patiently for the next best thing and the next day we open our eyes, we are a year older again! 

I am turning 28 in a few days. I won't pretend that I like adding a year to my age as quickly as it happens these days. Unlike men, our age tells a lot about us - our ability to conceive a child, should we want one, slows down with age, hence the unconscious rush to marry for fear of losing in the dating pool. Even single, career-oriented women who choose to fight against the social expectations around marriage are not given fair promotions at work simply because their superiors assume that they will quit the workforce after getting married and/or bearing a child. Humans designed a world that revolves around men and the women are supporting characters. Of course, my peers and all the progressive women in the 21st century will not be having any of these gender bias anymore. Although admittedly, no matter how much I condition my brain, my age really has a lot to do with the rest of my future, unless my nagging father financially supports the preservation of my precious young egg cells and pay the annual storage fees until I choose to use them. /end of rant.

Day 16: Dream house

When I was first asked this question, I had a simple answer. My dream house was “A happy and harmonious family. I'm dreaming that one day, I'd be able to make a home.”

Eight years later, my dream house is what I have right now: a two-bedroom humble rental in Australia where my husband and I lives. As empty as a box when we first moved in three years ago, the progress of this apartment symbolized our growth as couples and as new adults. I was a hopeful 25-year-old moving in with my then-boyfriend, both with temporary visas and unsure futures. I hardly had any idea on how to furnish a house. We started by filling it up with usual necessities and for almost a year, our place was still stripped from any décor or colour. Gladly as time went by, we found our feet in Australia, in our new apartment, and in our relationship. We got engaged. Tied the knot. We replaced the second-hand couch, bought new curtains, ditched the IKEA mattress and changed the decorations as our budget permitted. We have only one television in the living room so that we will be forced to watch and relax together in the same space. Dinner is only served once so that both of us will have to eat together. Simple things for some people but incredibly important to me who lived in a 5-bedroom house, each with our own telly, with family members who dined separately whenever we pleased. The housing market in Australia is astronomical akin to any first world country but I have faith that life will lead us to our future home. After all, I never dreamed of a luxurious life – I just want a comfortable life that can afford annual vacations, health insurance, mortgage, and a portion for savings and retirement.

Day 15: Bible verse

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
 New International Version 

Day 14: A picture of me last year and how I have changed [Closing 2018]

Another year has come and gone. It feels just like yesterday when I was gawking over the iconic Grand Central station after presenting my research proposal. Now, I am ready to embark on the last stage of my PhD, ready for new challenges in both my career and personal life as Heidy Cruz – Park. More on that later.

August 2017. Grand Central Station, NYC

One of the many difficult things about research is the need to fixate on the tiniest details when delivering outputs. Academics are known for our negligence to deadlines and working at a snail’s pace because our work requires very high attention to details. My supervisor once noticed when the caption font in my flow chart was Calibri instead of Arial in one of my powerpoint slides. Writing a manuscript is gruesome when you have more than two co-authors who scrutinize all your grammar mistakes and anything else that they are not happy about – down to the last bar chart color scheme. I wish I was making this up. I’ve been living my life like my PhD. I focus on the wrong things that happen in my day and beat myself up in trying to correct these mistakes. It’s insanely tiring to wake up every day so keen to do things right, diligently and happily only to end up lost and frustrated over some grammar comments that I received in my manuscript. I forgot the next most important thing. That one must not forget the big picture. Focus on the details but always think how they fit in the big picture.

I want my career's big picture to be filled with awareness, discovery, and advocacy. Whether it is inside a laboratory, in front of my computer working on my manuscript, in front of an audience inspiring students, I want to work until my last breath. I want to wake up on Mondays without complaints and clock out on Friday feeling satisfied, albeit exhausted, for another work week. I want a composed mind that does not dump work-related problems in my family home. I want to work diligently – doing my best in everything that I do, not because I need a raise or a promotion but simply because I aim to have a strong work ethic. I want to share my knowledge and learnings to people whether through a scientific publication or on Facebook. 

August 2018, LACMA

I lived this year for myself. Knowing that I will start a new chapter with my husband at the end of the year, I intentionally focused on myself and all the things that reminded me of my youth. I spent two months alone, with minimal contact with Jay, and indulged myself with everything that I wanted to do. I flew to California to see my father and my cousins. I relived my childhood – watched animes, re-read Harry Potter, binged on my favorite mangas, talked to my parents for hours, did my hair at 11pm like a conscious teenage girl. I cherished my past. I reminisced all my puppy loves and heartbreaks and how, thank God, I did not end up with any of them. I lived in the present knowing that in a few months, my life will change. I hoped for the future thinking that finally, after a long and winding journey, I will be spending the rest of my life with the love I fought so hard for.

I know that loving one person for the rest of my life is intentional, deliberate and at times, forced. The life that I am embarking on is not only a union of two people but two cultures and languages. No one knows whether our marriage is worth it in the end but I am sure that I will never regret giving my heart and choosing to fight for our love every single day. 

I choose to live full of love. I want to cherish my family – the family who gave me life and my new family who accepted and acknowledged me as a capable wife. I want to cultivate my friendship with my beautiful friends who flew miles to see me during my happiest day. With friends who sent their love and well-wishes even when we are miles apart. I want to love my work without the need for romanticized passion. I want to enjoy happy moments without the need to cling to them. I don’t want to worry about how I will feel when it’s over.

As always, it was a year filled with learnings. Among all the great things that happened to me this year, thank you 2018 for giving my greatest love. 

November 3, 2018. Seoul, Korea

Day 13: Someone I would want to switch lives with for one day and why

My generation has been going through adulting in social media. If there's one thing that Instagram has taught me, aside from tweaking my photos to achieve that perfect filter, is that people's lives are far different than what we perceive. So if I think deeply about it, there's really no other life that I wanna live other than what I have right now. But if only for a day, I would want to spend a day living like Amal Clooney. I have a lifelong fascination with brilliant, career-oriented and sympathetic women like Natalie Portman, Amal Clooney, and Emma Watson since I was young. I wanted to grow up like these women and now that I've grown up, it's a bit sad that I don't even have a quarter of their brilliance. Lol. I am always curious how these people start their day - do they wake up before everybody else, just like Bill Gates and Elon Musk? Do they have a mindful daily routine? Are they intentional even in the mundane? Do they also slack and waste time on social media like me? What makes it to their priority list? I'm also curious to know how they come up with big decisions. Do they spend 3 days being anxious over the outcomes or are they as elegant and graceful as they are perceived to be? 

I'm curious. 

Day 12: Favourite movies

I'm not going to rack my brains in identifying my favorite among the thousands of films that I've seen in my lifetime but here are some of the movies I saw in the last three months, most of which I watched in succession during my recent long-haul flight.

1. The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Like most girls, this is a sure pick-me-up for me. Whenever I want to watch something nice but couldn't find any good movie, I always choose Devil Wears Prada. Haha. It stars Meryl Streep, it's funny, there are really good clothes and makeup in every frame and Anne Hathaway is pretty. What's not to like?

2. Going in Style (2017)
Three old men, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, and Alan Arkin, tried to rob a bank. You can't go wrong with a feel-good movie and a solid cast like this.

3. I, Daniel Blake (2016)
This is an independent British film, mostly a social commentary of the current flaws of the British welfare system and how it affects the needy in a domino-effect manner. Viewers from developing countries wish for welfare systems like this and so they might not be able to sympathize with the issues presented in the film. But overall, this movie leaves an uncomfortable after-taste as if you were asked to swallow a bitter reality. 

4. The Circle (2017)
Tom Hanks and Emma Watson. What can possibly go wrong?
Everything.

5. Snowpiercer (2013)
Well-made apocalyptic film - a unique concept, solid acting and fresh faces (at least for Western audiences) - from Bong Joon Ho.

6. Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
The story felt like it was taken out from Wikipedia, meaning the movie showed what everybody knows about Queen and Freddie Mercury. But the beauty of the film was not in the story - it's the storytelling, execution, and quality that made it a treat for all the viewers. I left the cinema with a huge smile on my face and much love for Queen and their songs. What else should you ask for?

Day 11: Favorite TV shows

My blogging commitment has really gone down the drain. At this rate, I'll be lucky if I finish this 30 'day' blog challenge in one year. But I firmly believe that it's better late than never so here I am back to doing this.

My love for How I Met Your Mother has been well documented in this blog throughout the whole series. I expressed my disappointment with the ending of the show, which I thought was very unnecessary and forced, but nevertheless, it will always have a soft spot in my heart. As much as I want to binge watch Friends, arguably the better HIMYM, it's still not available in Netflix Australia. Since HIMYM ended, I haven't loved or even followed any new TV shows. Everyone's raving about Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Narcos, and Suits but I've generally lost my interest in the multiple-seasons type of TV shows already. It just takes so much time and commitment. 

During my free time, I always watch Korean dramas for a number of reasons 1) they are short. 16-20 hours for the whole series and 2) I need to learn Korean. But while I do watch Korean dramas frequently, there still hasn't been a single drama that would make the list of my favorite TV shows so I really have nothing to say about this post. Hahaha. Ciao! 

Day 10: Something I'm afraid of

Perfectionism: The Road to Failure

An excerpt

Published 10/5/2007 

It's human nature to do something as well as you can. It makes you feel worthwhile, elevates you in the eyes of friends, family and work colleagues. But if you feel you have to do things absolutely perfectly, and second best just won't do, then you could be setting yourself up for failure – and the depression and anxiety that follows. 

Perfectionism is a common character trait, particularly in people in environments where there's fierce competition or a culture of bullying – some corporate cultures, and in some schools where there a strong emphasis on status and achievement. It's also common in people who come from families where the parents are authoritarian and love is conditional – given out as a reward for good behaviour or withdrawn as a punishment. A mild degree of perfectionism can be a healthy thing. It can drive you to achieve things you wouldn't otherwise achieve and it can give you the motivation to persevere in the face of discouragement and obstacles. High-achieving athletes, scientists, and artists often show signs of perfectionism. But it can also be a source of stress, anxiety and depression. 

So when does perfectionism become more than a useful character trait and becomes destructive? Warning signs are when you:
1. Worry about mistakes and don't give yourself credit for your successes;
2. Can't enjoy something you've done, because there are other things you need to do at which you might fail;
3. Regret things you've done in the past that haven't turned out as you'd have liked;
4. Frequently criticise and find fault in others;
5. Have trouble adapting when circumstances change or when you aren't able to control a situation.

Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend

This is Deb, my best friend since 2003. Deb and I have come a long way from exchanging notes in class, solving Math problems, telebabad, to boyfriends (hers, she was always the one with a boyfriend haha), heartbreaks (hers and mine) and now to adulthood and family. She is now a loving wife and mother of two beautiful girls. I've always known that being a mother is a noble task but it's only now, through Deb, that I'm seeing the entirety of motherhood, from the happy big picture to the minute messy and frustrating details of it. I once heard that "You won't know love until you become a mother" and that proves true whenever I see Deb raising her kids with selfless love and utmost care and patience. We couldn't be prouder. 

My other best friends, Ghel and Eric, are doing well in life too. Oh, sorry, I meant Atty. Angelique Mendoza is going rather great, thank you very much. That lawyer friend of mine suffered from a terrible heartbreak before her birthday and got back on her feet, well and pretty by Christmas. How? No idea, let's all ask her. Eric, on the other hand, recently weathered a storm of job interviews and rejections in search for his passion. It's a grand quest that millenials always admire, akin to a Hollywood movie. But Eric did more than that. It takes a great deal of perseverance to follow our passion, but just as much to fulfill our commitments to a job that drains our spirit but pays the bills anyway. Every single day, Eric showed up to work professionally and brought his share of food to the table like a very responsible adult. Now, he's found a new job and, on his free time, he volunteers in a non-profit organization. 

It's been a pleasure growing up with these people. I have lived in three countries and met new friends but I don't think I'll ever find someone like them. When you find someone who cares about how your eyebrows look on a daily basis, you should never let them go. Haha. 

Day 8: A place you've traveled to

August 4, 2017. I was very exhausted. Work demands, mental health issues, and relationship challenges have taken a toll on me. I flew out to the States hoping for a sweet escape, some rest, and time to write my blog. So upon arrival, I rushed to my accommodation, pulled up the shades and saw this Upper Manhattan view then suddenly, all my problems were forgotten. Well hello, New York City!                                                                                                                                          

***** 

A few months back, my supervisor urged me to submit an abstract for a conference in New York. While I was glad that my abstract was accepted, every researcher knows that it takes months of rigorous laboratory work to pull off 15 slides worth of a scientific presentation. It was not a problem if working hard is the only thing that I had to do. Unfortunately, it was also during those months that my personal life has become a mess. Jay and I got into an almost endless bureaucracy that has already cost us five figures (in dollars) and innumerable stressful days and nights. I felt very helpless to see both of us falling apart in a country where we only have each other - no friends, no family. On so many nights, we talked about throwing the towel and cutting our losses. That we just pack our bags and go back home. That we stop forcing ourselves to fit into the very high standards of this country when he has a first world country to go back to anyway. No words can explain how painful it was for me because just barely a year ago, I was crying, wishing and praying on bended knees for this PhD and now I might have to give it all up. 

The bureaucracy, work, and bills pushed us to the brink of our (my) sanity. I went to counseling and leaned on good people to seek encouragement and stay afloat. With their help, I managed to show up to work, albeit looking very tired and disheveled, and gave my best as if my personal issues did not affect my ability to be a scientist. I pushed my stressed mind to publish. To write and revise manuscripts. I worked tirelessly on the biggest academic hurdle of my PhD. Two days prior to my New York trip, an academic panel was still grilling me with questions as they decided on whether to confirm or reject me into the PhD program of The University of Queensland. I passed. I gathered my documents, packed my bags and flew to face another challenge that awaited me at the other side of the world.

***** 

Columbia University, August 2017.

It is no secret that my lifelong dreams are deeply aligned with educational achievements. My parents may not have afforded to send me to an Ivy League institution and I'm fine with that but I will still pass this dream to my future kids and to their kids until someone in the family finally gets an Ivy League degree. Haha. So imagine my happiness when I got the opportunity to present my work at Columbia University, no less.

My presentation was bombarded with so many questions that, even the audience thought, were harsh for a one-year-old research. But you know, they could have grilled me for one day and I wouldn’t care less. Never in my three years in research have I been that calm, collected and spontaneous in speaking about my work. Never have I had people approaching me, asking more about my work, offering collaborations, and requesting copies of my presentation. 

Later at the gala dinner, I was sipping my champagne and looking at the Manhattan skyline aboard the Liberty Belle when a woman walked towards me. She said smiling, “I just want you to know that you did a great job in your presentation. I thought they were tough, but you were tougher."

***** 

And that’s how I will remember my New York trip. Frank Sinatra was not lying when he said, “If I can make it here, I’ll make it anywhere” because that was how New York made me feel. In the midst of nagging thoughts, regrets, homesickness and life questions, this glorious city celebrated my efforts for what it's worth, gave me a tap on the back, reminded me why I am still here thriving, and assured me that I will make it. So thank you, NYC. I really needed that. 

Day 7: Hobbies

Before I was hit by last year's Great Depression, I used to have a healthy set of hobbies like running, working out, reading fiction novels and watching artsy movies. Fast forward to the present, all I do during my free time is scroll my Facebook feed. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I have plenty of free time these days. Here's a breakdown of my life:

8-9AM: Wake up, cook breakfast, take a shower.

9-5: Work

6-8PM: Dinner, chat a bit with Jay about our day, prepare lunch for the next day

8-10PM: Take a shower, watch a korean drama (the only hobby I haven't lost my interest in) sleep 

Some of you might point out that I could have squeezed in a hobby like reading a novel instead of sleeping early, but how could you deprive a depressed woman of her much-needed sleep? K, kayo na ang  puyat. 

My weekends go like this: 

9-10AM: Wake up, make breakfast, dishes

10-12PM: Clean the kitchen, laundry, hang clothes

12-1PM: Lunch, dishes

1-4PM: Clean the house, wash the bedsheets while the sun is still out, clean the toilet, take a shower

4-6PM: Collect and fold our fresh clothes, rest to hold on to my dear life

6-8PM: Dinner, chat with Jay, dishes.

Our bodies don't stop feeling hungry on Sundays so we do the same routine to stay alive, then go to the supermarket.

Hello adulting.

Add the fact that since I got depressed, I've lost interest in mostly everything in life. Like I said on Twitter, all movies are either trying hard or very underwhelming, and all songs sound like pure noise. Plus I have already given up on meeting new friends here. As long as I'm happy with my relationship with Jay and with the relationships that I have at home, that's enough. 

I'm slowly accepting the fact that my time here will probably be a very miserable, at most neutral, experience and I'm starting to believe that it's okay. If this chapter in my life is meant to be difficult and unhappy, then so be it. I'm tired of trying to feel otherwise. 

Day 6: A picture of something that makes me happy

While I was browsing my news subscriptions the other day, cringing at most headlines and mostly averting more bad news, I stumbled upon this photo embedded on the headline: "Taiwan court rules for same-sex marriage!" There's just too much happiness in this photo that I couldn't help but tear up too. These people, whose love is always questioned, ridiculed and dismissed, have been fighting for recognition and respect for decades. I can only imagine their overflowing joy on this day.

I've never really given much thought about same-sex marriage. I never had any qualms with it too, partly because it's an issue that I never really questioned. All I know is I want to live in a world where love wins. 

Day 5: A song to match my mood

This is a song that speaks volume about my depression and anxiety and how I'm going on all fours to fight it every single day. I mean, the lyrics didn't even try to be subtle: "GET YOURSELF TOGETHER" I know! 

It's much more difficult to have depression and anxiety when you're older because adulthood doesn't give you a chance to sulk up and cry in a corner because you got bills to pay. It's hard when you don't want to get out of bed but you have to because no one will tend to your needs. Yes, I have Jay but he's also dealing with his own adult obligations so I'd rather not let him carry my entirety. So to all adults suffering this crisis we're all in this together! It may seem like a never-ending tunnel, but it's just a phase. Let's get out of it. Pay the bills and carry on juskoooooo 

"You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight. These tears are going nowhere....

And you are such a fool to worry like you do. 

I know it's tough and you can never get enough of what you don't really need now...

You've got to get yourself together. You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it"

Day 4: My Parents

I came from a typical Asian family. My father is a diligent, hardworking man who spent half of his life providing for our family; sent us to the best universities and only ever wanted the best for us. My mother is a caring housewife who tended to all our needs from cooking all our meals to looking for our missing socks. Between the two of them, my father is the strict parent while my mom is sympathetic -- a very typical setup. I remember having far and few attempts to being "rebellious" throughout my teenage years, but it didn't take a while for me to jump back to my old ship after receiving a few beatings from my father. 

I really had a strict upbringing compared to my friends. I was hardly allowed to go on sleepovers and out of town trips until I was twenty-one. My curfew was 9pm for as long as I can remember. My friends said that I did not have any freedom, but now that I look back I think I got it all wrong. Apart from the discipline and the inspirations, my parents never really forced their way through my childhood. They gave me the intellectual freedom to shape my personality and define my beliefs and principles in life for as long as it is morally right. I had the freedom of satisfying my curiosity through books, movies, classes and people without my parents' intervention. How I stayed in 'moral boundaries' without my parents' guidance during those curious years was beyond me. Kidding aside, I think it's one of the greatest things that my parents imparted to me -- the freedom to think. Truly one of the reasons why I am on this path of delving the unknowns in Science. (I took it way too seriously, now I am an overthinker! Damn it. ) But thanks folks! 

Day 3: My First Love

My first and greatest love happened to be living 3,000 kilometers from me. It was a fateful time when I finally packed my bags to seek an adventure in South Korea, which led me to him. He came at a time when everything was unknown and when my world suddenly turned into a different language. Despite all, our similarities overcame the language barrier and cultural differences to the point that we became genuine friends. We talked and talked for hours, watched so many movies and went to many places, then one day we realized we have something greater than friendship. 

At the beginning of our relationship, we tried really hard to be like normal couples: we went out on dates, hung out in cute cafes, took plenty of photos and celebrated relationship milestones -- all these while my expiring student visa loomed in front of us. Eleven months into our relationship, I had no choice but to go home taking comfort with the promise that we will fight for our relationship despite the distance. In the next five months, we searched for ways to continue our academic careers in the same place. After several emails, applications, and buckets of tears, we found ourselves in Australia. While I was waiting in line at the immigration, with Jay waiting to meet me at the other side of the airport, I remember thinking "I really, really, really just want to be with him." After the immigration officer stamped my passport, smiled and waved “Welcome to Australia!” I collected my suitcases and went out in a sea of new people, searching for the face I yearned the most. 

Nine months after our happy reunion yet we're still finding our feet in this country as we still struggle day by day. And I could write about our struggles forever, but I couldn't care less because I’m just so grateful that I'm with Jay now so everything else doesn't matter. Time and time again, I always find myself thinking along those lines and it always proves true. The past two years with him has been challenging yet beautiful, and I'll do it all over again if it meant being with him through and through.

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

For some reasons, my closest friends has started calling me HD four years ago. My name is very short and easy, I didn't really have a nickname while I was growing up so I was fascinated when people called me a different name. It happened at a time when I needed a new domain name because my old blog name was apalling so there yah go. 

Day 1: 10 facts about me

Hello, I'm Heidy. I'm a 26 year- old researcher currently residing in Queensland, Australia. As you can see in my previous posts, I've been overwhelmed by deep thoughts and quarter-life drama but that's not how I used to be. I decided to go back to regular blogging in the hopes of bringing back my thoughts to shallow shores so I can enjoy mundane things around me.  

10 I-hope-they-are-interesting facts about me:

1. I love my job! I'm taking up a research-based phD that does not involve any coursework or any form of examinations so just pure research! I love delving into unknown areas of science, armed with a goal to make the world a better place. I know it sounds cheesy and highly ideal but (who cares! and why not!?) I'll keep this passion with me for as long as I can. 

2. I speak three languages. English, Tagalog and terrible Korean. My Korean is still abysmal, with the intonation of someone from the far-flung areas of the peninsula (maybe North?) with bad grammar but enough to hold a normal conversation with the locals for hopefully thirty minutes. 

3. I'm a slave of Korean dramas! Because they are so addicting, and I need to improve my Korean skills. Haha.

4. My boyfriend is Korean. And I'll tell you more about him soon! 

5. I avoid the sun like a plague. Ironic from someone who was raised in the tropics, yeah. But I grew up with the stigma of tanning and dark skin, and skin cancer fears. Plus Australia gets the harshest sun rays with its UV index going up to 17, and sometimes 20 every summer! Yikes. 

6. I don't like summer. That's it. I hate the heat, and having to bring umbrella rain or shine. I don't even know why I'm here in Queensland haha. 

7. Not a fan of sweets. I used to be a chocolate addict until I got allergic to it 5 years ago. I was once a fan of cakes and pastries but not until I decided to lose weight and watch my diet. Now I don't watch my diet nor count calories but I still can't even finish a slice of cake. It's been four years since I lost that loving feeling.... 

8. I am constantly distracted. Aren't we all? Damn you, smartphone. 

9. I am distraction personified. I have a few friendly colleagues at work who always try to make small talks when we see each other, but I don't do small talks so it always ends up in a lengthy conversation. Whenever that happens, I feel bad that I distracted them for a long time from their work so I try not to do that every day so they won't avoid me haha. 

10. I'm still crossing off my old bucket list. I wrote it seven years ago. What desires do you expect from a nineteen-year-old before she kicks the bucket? Things like, to see Piolo Pascual in person, watch a live concert, I even wrote something as random as owning MAC lipsticks. Gosh I must have been very poor back then. Haha. Nevertheless, I still slowly cross things off because it feels like I'm doing a favor to my younger self. 

Day 0: The blog's 10th year anniversary!

Visiting this old blog always gives me the feeling of nostalgia (already!?). I started writing a few posts in Multiply (now defunct) back in 2007 when blogging enjoyed a good yet not so hyped limelight. I also tested the waters of Wordpress and Tumblr, then eventually settled in Blogger. Back then, blogging was primarily used as a friendly online journal where people share their lives. I remember it as something very simple, harmless and innocent as if we're all friends talking about our lives and sharing insights to each other. Blogging in 2017 is totally different. Most blogs are being run as a money maker in exchange for posting sponsored outfits, trips and reviews. Some blogs are sadly being used for defamation and don't make me go there just because. Amidst the tough social media competition, how Blogger managed to stay afloat is beyond me. With all these changes for the last 10 years, I'm just glad that my blog has survived the test of time. Haha. 

As part of my efforts in trying to be in the moment and to ease my anxiety, I am starting another 30-day blogging challenge. I did the same thing six years ago (damn that was six years ago!) and I remember enjoying it! So excited! 

Day 0: The 30 Day Challenge Explanation and Description

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

Day 3: Your first love

Day 4: Your parents

Day 5: A song to match your mood

Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 7: Hobbies

Day 8: A place you've traveled to

Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend

Day 10: Something you're afraid of

Day 11: Favorite tv shows

Day 12: Favorite Movies

Day 13: Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?

Day 15: Bible verse

Day 16: Dream house

Day 17: Something you're looking forward to

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat

Day 19: Something you miss

Day 20: Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 21: Sweet Memory of your past

Day 22: What's in your purse?

Day 23: Something you don't leave the house without

Day 24: Something you've learned

Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

Day 26: Your Dream Wedding

Day 27: Favorite youtube videos

Day 28: Something that stresses you out

Day 29: 3 Wishes

Day 30: a picture of yourself today and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge