"You have to accept that some people are not made for deep conversations, or for holding you together when you’re about to fall apart, or for keeping you from unzipping your skin, or for talking you out of suicide, or to love you through the worst moments of your life. Some people are made for shallow exchanges, and ridiculous banter, and nothing more. And that’s okay. That doesn’t make them horrible people because they simply aren’t able to handle a storm like you. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you won’t divulge all the gritty details of your horror show. It makes you smart. You have to accept that there will be people that cannot give what you need. It doesn’t mean they are not worth keeping in your life. You just have to figure out who these ones are before you’re disappointed. And you have to keep them at arm’s length. You cannot expect everyone in your life to understand, to be nonjudgmental, to get it. But that’s okay, because not everyone was made to impart wisdom, or wax-poetic, or speak on politics and the depravity of society, or discuss how crucial it is that the stigma of mental illness be abolished. There are times when you have to get away from all that heaviness. You have to. And you will need superficial conversation about Kim Kardashian’s arse, or a debate on the color of The Dress. You will need those ones. So don’t go round cutting people off and dropping your friends. You need people for all your seasons. You need people or you won’t survive this.”
Perfectionism: The Road to Failure
Published 10/5/2007
It's human nature to do something as well as you can. It makes you feel worthwhile, elevates you in the eyes of friends, family and work colleagues. But if you feel you have to do things absolutely perfectly, and second best just won't do, then you could be setting yourself up for failure – and the depression and anxiety that follows.
Perfectionism is a common character trait, particularly in people in environments where there's fierce competition or a culture of bullying – some corporate cultures, and in some schools where there a strong emphasis on status and achievement. It's also common in people who come from families where the parents are authoritarian and love is conditional – given out as a reward for good behaviour or withdrawn as a punishment. A mild degree of perfectionism can be a healthy thing. It can drive you to achieve things you wouldn't otherwise achieve and it can give you the motivation to persevere in the face of discouragement and obstacles. High-achieving athletes, scientists, and artists often show signs of perfectionism. But it can also be a source of stress, anxiety and depression.
So when does perfectionism become more than a useful character trait and becomes destructive? Warning signs are when you:
1. Worry about mistakes and don't give yourself credit for your successes;
2. Can't enjoy something you've done, because there are other things you need to do at which you might fail;
3. Regret things you've done in the past that haven't turned out as you'd have liked;
4. Frequently criticise and find fault in others;
5. Have trouble adapting when circumstances change or when you aren't able to control a situation.