Random thoughts during a global pandemic

When can we see our families? When can I hug my aging grandparents? When can I see my blooming sister and workout with my brother? When can I taste my mum's homecooked meals? When can I see my father? I want to attend my friends' weddings. I want to have long meals with my parents-in-law. 

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I am very grateful that the Australian government has allowed us to stay here safely and that Queensland state government has been working so hard to keep us safe from the pandemic. For this reason, we have had to close borders and just like most expats in the world, we are unable to visit home without the security that our temporary home countries will allow us back. It just has to be done. My husband is also in the same boat and, thank heavens, he's here with me. I get it. 

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Most of the time, I completely understand the sacrifices that we are all doing to survive this horrific year. But sometimes, my brain goes mad and it's not just because of the pandemic. This little bugger 'Rona revealed all of society's ills. This makes me question the point of everything when the system built for us is so unjust, so cruel, so selfish. Half a million people are now dead from coronavirus and, after four months of living through it, people have gone numb; almost as if these deaths are just numbers. We have bills to pay and mouths to feed. We have to suck it up. 

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Four months. I thought I would have gotten used to waking up to chilling news. Apparently not. Each day, little by little, the liberty that I was born with is being taken away from me. Change has come to my beloved home. 

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Tomorrow is another day. Despite my grievances, I still live with a renewed determination to live well. Be productive. Drink lots of water. Fix my posture. Smile. Exercise. Be a better person. 

/end

Day 22-23: What's in my purse & Things that I don't leave without

Day 22: What's in your purse?

Lip balms, tint, and a lipstick. For me, the only makeup that makes a difference in my overall look is lipstick. I put a lot of effort in keeping my lips tinted and hydrated (but it's really hard!). House key - I can recall a handful of times when I had to wait outside of the house waiting for my husband to come home because I forgot my key. That situation made me so annoyed about everything, myself included, to the point that I even questioned the lack of neighborhood interaction in Australia. I thought that if we were close, I probably could have waited for Jay in my neighbor's house instead of outside our apartment, looking so homeless. LOL. Hand sanitizer because of the pandemic - again let's not go there. 

Day 23: Something you don't leave the house without

My purse. 

My alma mater

19 June 2020

Today, my degree is officially conferred. I now hold a doctorate from the University of Queensland. I have yet to articulate all my emotions during my Ph.D. journey as it has not sunk in. In case my reader is living under a rock, I regret to inform you that we are currently fighting a global pandemic.

While I have yet to uncover the rollercoaster emotions that I felt in the last four years, my attachment to my alma mater - The University of Queensland - has grown stronger over the past few weeks. I have all the reasons to feel this way. First, UQ gave me a fair chance to compete for a slot in their competitive Ph.D. program. A foreigner, with almost unknown credentials, and no publications, found a supervisor who fought hard and vetted for my talents - based on his trust on me. I have yet to ask his reasons but, needless to say, it is something that I will never forget. UQ awarded me a full scholarship with a decent salary and a multitude of opportunities that were given by merit alone. I went to international travels, career development seminars, and classes that honed my skills not only as an academic but as a professional. Accomplished colleagues willingly co-authored my papers, gave constructive feedback, and shared valuable writing skills. I would not be able to publish my research in prestigious journals without their help. Finally, despite the recession, UQ gave me my first full-time academic job after my Ph.D. I am overwhelmed that, at a time when universities are struggling to stay afloat, I am still able to start my academic career. A chance is all I need and UQ granted it.

I am so proud of UQ. I feel immense gratitude, happiness, respect, and loyalty to this institution that took a chance on a stranger, a woman, a person of color like me, and believed in my abilities.

Mon Cheri

I've looked all around this

Big old world and found that

All I really want is love

Nothing can compare

This world I've had my share of

All I really want is love

In this life of chasing dreams

Such strife in seeking schemes

Designed for happiness

Now I finally realized

Deep underneath my lies

All I really want is love.

**********

Day 21: Sweet Memory of My Youth

Nothing beats the prom. That one night in high school where we all played dress-up and stepped into the spotlight together for the first and last time in our adolescence. My prom was held in 2007, meaning pre-social media, pre-Instagram influencers, and fashion bloggers, hence we never really had so much social anxiety and visceral 'red carpet'-like competition on what we were going to wear. We just wore whatever we fancied, not because Vogue told us so. Our school, always known for taking the high road, gave the girls fashion advice on how to look classy (not trashy!) for prom and they even provided a 2-hour seminar on dining etiquette for formal dinners hahaha. 

Many people say that highschool is the best part of their youth, and while I don't agree on that, I strongly believe that it is indeed a special phase in life that we can never recreate again. We only live through highschool once. All the flutters of our hearts, butterflies in our stomach, innocence, fun, energy, insecurities, angst - these all come with our adolescence.

Ahhh, being young is sweet and fun but I also like where I am right now (still young!!!). 

"It's the oldest story in the world. One day you're seventeen and planning for someday, and then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and that someday is yesterday. And this is your life."