Daydreaming

"Baby, do you know the 10-year rule?", he asked out of nowhere.

"Nope. What's that?"

"If we ever break up after graduation, you can only date a new guy after ten years."

"Then, to be fair, don't get a girlfriend for the next ten years as well.", I joked in return.

"I'll be 38 by then."

"And I'll be 35. But I'm sure I'll look 30 because I'm using eye creams religiously. I'm gonna be a cougar."

"And I wont look like a day over 35 because I'll use the sunblock that we bought today for the next ten years.", he said as we laughed together.

"Wanna date me again in 2026?", I added.

And he gave me the most hopeful smile I've ever seen.

To my 20-year old self:

I just want to tell you something.

One day you will meet someone that will change your life. You will begin with a beautiful friendship which will start from "really you like that? Me too!" to questions like "Where have you been all my life?" The two of you will share this undeniable connection -- something that you won't find with someone else. This man will be one of the kindest man you'll ever meet. Heck even grandmothers and grandfathers love him. And for that, he will earn your respect.

It will be a wonderful friendship, Heidy, and you will try to keep it for as long as you can.

And then, the two of you will fall in love.

And boy it will be a burning, passionate, head-over-heels kind of love.

Your thoughts on life will change. Maybe, after all these years of denial, just maybe soulmates are actually true. Because you will feel it. That insane connection. That click chemistry. He will be your bestfriend, confidante, joker and lover. You can talk about everything from something stupid like Monalisa's eyebrows, to movies, to science theories, to career, to life. With this man, you are sure. You have peace. You know you'll never get another love like this.

He will tell you beautiful things like how he likes your humor. How you think. How pretty you are. It sounds cheesy but you will believe it because it's in his eyes. He will adore you. Appreciate you. He will love you the way you wanted to be loved. That kind, gentle, respectful, patient, and understanding kind of love that you have imagined before will be given to you by this man.

But, honey, let me tell you that just like all relationships, this course of love will never run smooth. You will be faced with a huge reality that will test your relationship. And as much as I want to tell you the ending, I also don't know how to work it out. Only time will tell.

But I just want you to know that no matter how impossible, crazy, and difficult the situation is, please say yes to this man when you finally meet him. Accept his love. Because this will be one of the best decisions of your life. Don't just settle with an average man, honey. I know you've been waiting too long. But this man is on his way to you.

I don't frequently post nowadays but I just want you to know that I'm in a better place now than where I was last year. I haven't felt anything like this before and every minute of every day I thank the Lord for this heart that is showing me the right kind of love. A love that is humble, patient and kind. A love that understands. A love that supports. Thank God it's finally here.

The First Blood of 2015

*Warning: Crappy blog ahead.*

I wish I have twenty four more hours in my hand each day. 

It's been only a week since I got back from my two-week vacation in the Philippines and yet I couldn't have been more overwhelmed. 2015 filled my plate early on and I came unprepared. I have to conduct more tedious experiments, write a scientific paper for publication as soon as possible, study for graduate exams, study for my experiments, coursework, and I don't know -- rest and a movie or two, perhaps? 

Last year, my days were just spent on either doing experiment, sleeping, and exercising and I barely had time for anything else. This year is definitely busier that's why my time management skill set is screaming red and crying out for help. 

Gah. I can do this. 

The tradeoff to looking fit

There are so many benefits to gain from having a fit lifestyle. Better health, stronger physique, improved endurance, a happier mood and the most coveted of all -- better-looking body. Sculpted abs and toned limbs - probably 95% of the people who are into fitness aim for this and you all know I am one of them. Working out and eating clean gave me all these benefits but unfortunately it's still a raging battle between me and the sculpted body. One slip through a buffet meal can erase all the marks of hard work from your body. It's no secret that I want a body as toned as an athlete or the abs of a victoria's secret model so I try to workout and eat clean consistently, but when life gets busy or once cravings start I can no longer exercise as frequently as before. And then I get frustrated and feel fat immediately. I get pressured whenever there is a gathering which involves good food. Sometimes it's difficult for me to decide if I should just stay home and exercise or go to dinner with my friends. It's affecting my social health. 

Don't get me wrong. I don't blame fitness or all of it. It's my high expectations. I aim for the body of someone who makes a living from maintaining a toned and fit body while I am just a humble student who tries to juggle the lab and other parts of life. Clearly, my goal doesn't align with my lifestyle. I have to sort this out. Definitely, I won't give up this healthy lifestyle but I need to take it easy. I have to enjoy food, fat, and cravings from time to time or else I will feel deprived. I need to accept the fact that I don't need a sculpted set of abs in order to be successful in my profession. I need to lower my standards.