The End of the Line.

After twenty months and eight seasons in the land of kimchi, my time here in Korea is almost over. I have three weeks prior my GRE exam, six weeks prior to my defense,  and eight weeks before I get my new passport so I can travel again. From there, I have to face the million dollar question that is Where to? 

But before deciding my next step, it is highly fitting to look back on one of the best decisions of my life.  This is one of my greatest feat in life. You see, two years ago, I was a whiny employee who hates every single day of the week that isn't Saturday, Sunday or a holiday. I hated my job. I always thought that I was too good for that company and that I wasn't a fit in an environment that does not encourage class and etiquette. I worked in a company where my father was once a top boss and I hated living under his shadow. I had all the excuses. I was too proud of myself. I knew that something was wrong with me and that I needed a change. 

The opportunity to study in Korea came just in time but nevertheless, it wasn't an easy decision to make. I had to persuade my parents to let go of their daughter. It was difficult for me to pause my career clock because I know years of experience matters a lot in my field. Two months prior leaving, I was still going to job interviews and job hunting because I wanted to know if this is the right decision for me. But like they said, you just know when you found the one. So I trusted that gut feeling, grew some woman balls and took that plane to Korea. The rest, my friends, is a long and wonderful journey.

I was able to send myself to grad school in a good engineering university without any financial support from my parents. I survived a country that speaks a different language and I learned the language! I met a lot of people -- great people, if I may add -- and these people opened my eyes to the world. And most importantly, I learned a lot of life lessons. I finally have my own story. The great adventure of Heidy. The girl who grew a set of balls. The girl who followed her guts. The girl who fell in love in a foreign land. Yes, I fell in love with a Korean man. But that is another long story for another post (It's going to be legen- wait for it!)

But it's now time to go. I have to decide on whether I go home, find my luck here, or go forward to the direction of my original dream. My life is in a limbo right now. I haven't seen any opportunities either here, home, or in another country. Zero. I'm just moving through my days with faith, hoping that God will show me the way. Add the anxiety that decision-making at 24 is not as easy when I was 22. I'm not getting any younger. I can't just blindly follow my passion. Adult responsibilities are tailing me and I can't escape it anymore. I have to consider my career. I have to consider the near future of settling down and the stable career that I need to sustain a family. I have to consider my gifts and talents that will fuel my determination to succeed in life. I have to go somewhere that will add more value to my life.

But God has a plan. He has a better plan. Everything will be alright.... everything will be alright....
I'll see you at my next starting line.

Daydreaming

"Baby, do you know the 10-year rule?", he asked out of nowhere.

"Nope. What's that?"

"If we ever break up after graduation, you can only date a new guy after ten years."

"Then, to be fair, don't get a girlfriend for the next ten years as well.", I joked in return.

"I'll be 38 by then."

"And I'll be 35. But I'm sure I'll look 30 because I'm using eye creams religiously. I'm gonna be a cougar."

"And I wont look like a day over 35 because I'll use the sunblock that we bought today for the next ten years.", he said as we laughed together.

"Wanna date me again in 2026?", I added.

And he gave me the most hopeful smile I've ever seen.

To my 20-year old self:

I just want to tell you something.

One day you will meet someone that will change your life. You will begin with a beautiful friendship which will start from "really you like that? Me too!" to questions like "Where have you been all my life?" The two of you will share this undeniable connection -- something that you won't find with someone else. This man will be one of the kindest man you'll ever meet. Heck even grandmothers and grandfathers love him. And for that, he will earn your respect.

It will be a wonderful friendship, Heidy, and you will try to keep it for as long as you can.

And then, the two of you will fall in love.

And boy it will be a burning, passionate, head-over-heels kind of love.

Your thoughts on life will change. Maybe, after all these years of denial, just maybe soulmates are actually true. Because you will feel it. That insane connection. That click chemistry. He will be your bestfriend, confidante, joker and lover. You can talk about everything from something stupid like Monalisa's eyebrows, to movies, to science theories, to career, to life. With this man, you are sure. You have peace. You know you'll never get another love like this.

He will tell you beautiful things like how he likes your humor. How you think. How pretty you are. It sounds cheesy but you will believe it because it's in his eyes. He will adore you. Appreciate you. He will love you the way you wanted to be loved. That kind, gentle, respectful, patient, and understanding kind of love that you have imagined before will be given to you by this man.

But, honey, let me tell you that just like all relationships, this course of love will never run smooth. You will be faced with a huge reality that will test your relationship. And as much as I want to tell you the ending, I also don't know how to work it out. Only time will tell.

But I just want you to know that no matter how impossible, crazy, and difficult the situation is, please say yes to this man when you finally meet him. Accept his love. Because this will be one of the best decisions of your life. Don't just settle with an average man, honey. I know you've been waiting too long. But this man is on his way to you.

I don't frequently post nowadays but I just want you to know that I'm in a better place now than where I was last year. I haven't felt anything like this before and every minute of every day I thank the Lord for this heart that is showing me the right kind of love. A love that is humble, patient and kind. A love that understands. A love that supports. Thank God it's finally here.

The First Blood of 2015

*Warning: Crappy blog ahead.*

I wish I have twenty four more hours in my hand each day. 

It's been only a week since I got back from my two-week vacation in the Philippines and yet I couldn't have been more overwhelmed. 2015 filled my plate early on and I came unprepared. I have to conduct more tedious experiments, write a scientific paper for publication as soon as possible, study for graduate exams, study for my experiments, coursework, and I don't know -- rest and a movie or two, perhaps? 

Last year, my days were just spent on either doing experiment, sleeping, and exercising and I barely had time for anything else. This year is definitely busier that's why my time management skill set is screaming red and crying out for help. 

Gah. I can do this.