Say hypothetically, I finally get the chance to travel alone. Since I am already dreaming, I'm gonna set it high and say that I am in Boston. I am sitting outside of a cozy restaurant with a fresh juice on hand and a city park sight to see. Then suddenly I am not alone. I am talking to a stranger -- a guy stranger, of course. Hmm, let's say his name is John.
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Heidy: So you're from Texas and an artist. How come you don't look like a hipster? You look so average. No offense.
John: I take it you watch a lot of Hollywood movies? Must be where you got the idea.
Heidy: Haha, yes I watch a lot, and no that's not where I got the idea. People who are more artistically inclined tend to be more.. expressive.. on many aspects of their lives. They are so spontaneous and passionate. It's like they look more for passion than look for a job. Is that too much a stereotype?
John: May I ask what do you do?
Heidy: I am a chemical engineer. I use the other side of my brain for a living.
John: So you're the opposite of "spontaneous and passionate"? That's what you're implying.
Heidy: I think so. I don't feel spontaneous at all and I have yet to live a life with passion. I am searching for it. That's why I went away in the first place.
John: Why Boston?
Heidy: It's my dream place to see. I want to visit all the universities. Harvard, MIT.. God knows how many times I have dreamed of studying in those schools. You know, I used to think that learning and studying is my passion
John: That's not a bad thing at all. What stopped you from learning?
Heidy: Because I started working. And I hate my job.
John: May I ask why?
Heidy: After college, I am craving for a lot of time to explore my life. Explore a lot of possibilities, new hobbies, meet new people. But I couldn't because I don't even enough time to sleep after work.
I feel so grumpy every day when I wake up and go to work. I don't extend my effort to get to know my colleagues in a deeper sense because everyday I am thinking of quitting my job. And it's not just my job. I want to quit my life. Reset. That's why I am here. I want to be in a place where nobody knows me so that I can leave all my baggage from home.
John: As much as we want to reset our lives, forget about our bad choices, we can't do that. It's our choices that defines what we are now. You are grumpy and unhappy because of a choice that you made. Probably it's the choice of accepting a job that you know you'll hate... or it's simply your choice to be unhappy everyday. It's cliche but happiness is really a decision.
Heidy: I always know that I'm gonna hate this job from the very beginning. Yet I took it. It's a medicine. It tastes fucking bad but I know I'm gonna get better when I suck it up.
John: It's a good thing that you know you're getting something good out of your job.What do you want your next job to be? What's your next move on life?
Heidy: I want to try design. Or a job that would allow me to travel and see places. It's cliche I know. But in my 22 years of existence, I realized that I don't have stories to tell. I haven't been anywhere and experienced anything. I live in the shadow of my father for god's sake. Now that I am working, I am terrified that I will suck at my job because I hate it, and it freaks me out that I may not be as successful as my father. I live to please him. Whenever he say go home, I go home. When told me to take this job, I took it. When he said don't quit, I did not...
I was all tears when I say the next words out of my mouth. It's an admission. A sad truth of my life.. "I don't have my own story." I will meet a lot of new people and they will ask about my interesting story. And I have none.
He sat up straight, look me and the eye and asked, "What do you want?"
Heidy: They say when you're not busy being born, you're busy dying. I want to live. I want to finish a 10km run without my parents shouting at me that they won't allow me to commute at 4am for a stupid run. I want to go to the beach and try surfing. I want to go to a music festival. I want a job where I look forward to go to everyday. Somewhere I won't feel grumpy. I want to feel alive again because frankly, right now I'm not. I want to start writing my story.
John: I won't say anything after that, because you said it all. You know what you want. You figured it out yourself. What you need now is the courage to do all these things. Sometimes we get so scared of the consequences of our choices that we stop making choices anymore. That's wrong. Our life moves when we make choices. I am not asking you to be reckless and try everything but you are so young to be afraid. A ship is safe on the harbor but that's not where a ship is supposed to be. This is just one test, young lady. Go on, make your choices and pass your paper.
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